• Kevin Luke

I love them, but they will not talk to me!

#ego, #relationship, #emotions, #separation, #soul-mate, #twin-flame, #love

“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”

Sarah Cross, Kill Me Softly https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/unrequited-love

One of the hardest, most painful times in a relationship is after it ends and one still has a deep love for another, but the other does not respond. The feelings one has, the emotions one goes through in such a situation can be described as hell on earth. In such situations our emotions, our ego, can get the best of us. We can become someone, something that is not us, the old animal instinct takes over and we just keep pushing forward trying to get something that we cannot have. All of this, because we think that we deserve it.

When this happens, we no longer care about the feelings, the emotions of the one that we love, we only think about ourselves and what we want. Our hearts are in pain, and all we can think about is ending that pain. We take the only route that we can think of to end that pain, that is to get this person back in our lives. We think, if they come back everything will be great. I know they love me, like I love them! I know this is what they want just as much as I want it, I must show them, make them realize that rebuilding our relationship is the best and right thing for them to do. I know what is best and they should do what I want.

In such cases we are acting like some spoiled child.

There was some reason why the relationship or the marriage did not survive? There was some problem somewhere that caused the one that you love to push you away and refuse to speak to you. Could it be that you were controlling in the relationship, that you were smoothing the other, that you were not letting them be their own person? the same way which you are still trying to control them with your constant drive to reconnect?

Was it something that you said; was it something that you did that pushed them away?

If these were the causes for the end of the relationship then your pushing, your demanding that they renew the relationship will only push them further away.

Maybe someone else came between you and the one that you love, and you were pushed out? This shows that the relationship was not as strong as what you thought it was. It shows that they never loved you the same way in which you loved them.

No matter what the reason, something just was not right in the relationship! The more that you push, the more that you do to make them love you will only turn them off further. In these cases, if they receive two dozen roses and diamond earrings,

they will not suddenly change their mind and think WOW, I really do love him/her, I was so wrong I think I will give them a call!

Remember there was something wrong with you or what you did, or there was something wrong with the relationship that was the cause of the breakup.

Not all people are meant to be together, there must be a special spark a love between the you and them, if that love is not there, nothing will bring a relationship to fulfillment.

Can this love be developed and or recognized later, maybe, maybe not it depends if there is something there to begin. Something such as this takes time, and the more we try to speed up the process, the longer it will be until it develops, if ever!

If there was a love there, if there was a foundation for a true good loving relationship and it fell apart, the question is why? If you are the one who wants to chase the other and rebuild the relationship, then it was probably something that you did or did not do that made the other leave.

Here is the crux of the problem, if it was something that you did, that means that you were wrong about something or your actions were wrong. Unless we recognize and correct out thinking, our ideas, our actions, change what we do, they will not come back to us, but we will continue to turn them off.

Why do we continue to push to regain a lost relationship? One could have a true love for the other, but why then continue to hurt them with harassment to regain the lost love?

It comes down to ego!

Ego or egotistical, the ego will not let us believe that the relationship is over.

  • The ego will take no blame for the ending of the relationship.

  • The ego will always blame the other one for the end of the relationship.

  • The ego will always think that it can change the mind of the other one to restart the relationship.

As I have said countless times, the ego is not your friend!

What is necessary is to shut the ego off, stop listening to it. Take a step back to look at things honestly with a clear vision, not with a vision clouded by our own self-love. Once we do this, we can take a clear look at ourselves. We will have the opportunity to look critically at our relationship, what we did, what the other person said or did leading up to the breakup that gave clues to the problem the eventually drove you two apart. If you truly take this honest look at yourself, rather than wallowing in your own sorrow for the loss that you suffered, then you will slowly begin to see things clearly.

When your vision does start to become clear, then you will begin to see the clues where your love warned you of their impending departure, but you did not recognize at the time. First you will see one or two and the realization will begin to take hold on you about how stupid you were and the mistakes, the misinterpretation of the romance. You will begin to see how your ego, yes, your own ego, blinded you to what was going on. How it blinded you to what you were doing or saying that was bringing about this catastrophic destruction in your life.

This is when we start coming to self-actualization and begin to work on correcting those aspects of your personality. Be ready, your ego is not finished. Your ego will tell you, “I made these changes, I’m what they wanted in a relationship, let me run and tell them, let me call them just let me talk to them somehow, someway, so I can tell and show them how much I have changed and then our romance will return all we will live happily ever after.

All excited you make calls, send emails and text and what happens?

Nothing, no response, a wall of ice.

You just will not understand why, you made these changes, you are exactly what they wanted and still nothing. Then you will begin to blame them again for not talking to you. Your ego is working overtime now, you almost had to conquered, but now it is back with a vengeance. What is it doing, it is once again destroying any chance that you had to revive the relationship.

Do you know what else?

You are doing the exact same things that destroyed the relationship that destroyed it the first time. You thought that you had made these great changes, you did not, your ego dragged you back to the same place you were before the breakup!

Once again you need to go though the same process, put that old nasty ego back into the bottomless pit and look at yourself once again. This time you will have a clearer vision, you will see more problems, missteps, blown opportunities, and missed signs. Now you will come out with a whole new understanding of what went wrong in the relationship. You will begin to make more changes in yourself.

Guess what?

You will go though the same process once again. Your ego will come alive, you will try to contact them and once again get another wall of ice.

You may go through this process multiple times, how many, it depends on the situation and the person. I know for my self one time I went through it multiple times for seven months, each time learning more, correcting more, changing more.

Know what?

I still hit a wall of ice.

This process may or may not get your love back, maybe if I, if you continue it long enough it may, probably not, though.

It is hard to realize but sometimes it is over when it is over. Now matter how much you love them, or you think they loved you. No matter how good things were, the relationship is no more, and we must realize that!

It is a hard realization, it is very painful, some can move on, others can not! If you cannot move on,

please stop trying to make things work! this is for them and for yourself.

Stop trying to make them love you once again! It only causes more pain, on both sides and leads to further separation. If there was even the slightest chance of a union between the two of you, it will not happen. This is because you will not let it, or better said your ego will not let it come about. Your ego will continually drive them away.

get your mind off them, do something. Get yourself in shape, join a gym, or if that is not your style create your own gym at home.

What was the purpose of this process? Why even do this if it will not bring about an instant union with your love, your soulmate or as some call it your twin flame?

The purpose was for self-improvement, to make you a better person, to help you in future with better relationships, with love, with family and with friends. What one learns in this process will have resounding effects on their lives and their perspective of the world around them. This process can change the course of one’s life. It can cause carrier changes, life style changes, everything can change, depending on the depth of the pain one went though.

What do we do? We are alone, our love, soulmate or twin flame will not talk to us, yet we are not to dwell on them or the lost romance? The first thing is getting your mind active on something else. This is very good and necessary, or we will continually dwell on the situation and drive ourselves crazy.

Another great thing to do, is get a pet, a cat or a dog. This will give you some companionship and help take your mind of things. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog. There to greet you when you arrive home with joy and love in their eyes

I have gone though three great love losses in my life, and the thing that helped me the most was my dog. The first was a German shepherd named Duchess, the second was a Yellow lab, named Max, and the third is a Mix, Shepherd/Yellow Lab, named Matilda.

I would begin to feel down and go out for a walk with my dog and we would go for miles at times. This would give me a chance to get away for a little while and a chance to ponder life and its meanings. It gave me the opportunity to slowly come to terms with what happened and all that I had been though. Of course, because I was walking so much, I got into better shape, lost weight and overall, my health improved.

What I did after my first failed romance, my engagement is that I took a trip, a cruise to the Caribbean, tit was there that I met my ex wife. It was a good trip and I did make some changes to my life, just not enough. So hop on a plane and take a trip and begin a new future.

Yes, there are different levels of pain, different depths of sorrow. Much of it depends on the depth of love that that two of you once had. Was it just a fling? A romance with simple love, or was it deeper, more of a soul-mate or twin-flame connection. Was it a long marriage that disincarnated before your eyes, in which you lost more than the love, but your entire life was ripped out of your grasp. All of these can have different levels of devastation on someone.

This is especially true if you think of the relationship that you had was with your soulmate or twin flame. For these types of unions have a special intimacy and spiritual connection that is not found in other romances.

As long as you are making changes to your life, eating right and becoming healthy is a great thing to do. Eating organic is great for the body and mind.

This is very much a time of self-improvement, drawing yourself away from the material human aspects of life. Many, during this time, reconnect with their spiritual side of their existence. They delve deeper into their relationship with God, the creator, the Heavenly Father. This is all part of disconnecting from the human ego and strengthening the connection with the Godly soul. As we go deeper into a spiritual connection, we can learn to be better people, not always thinking about ourselves and what we want, but having consideration for others and their feelings. Showing kindness and love to others rather than being self-serving.

Did you pick out the connection? Here it is in the event some missed it.

  • In our former relationship, we continually harass our old partner, not to help them, but to service our own ego.

  • The more we continue to attempt to contact them, the more pain we cause.

  • We stop focusing on our needs and stop causing them pain, thereby we are showing love and kindness to them.

  • We begin to focus on the spiritual, one of the benefits is that we break away from our old self-serving attitude.

  • When we break away from our old self-serving attitude, we will start showing love and kindness to others.

This shows us our all parts of our life are interconnected. Because of this awful pain that we went though we now become better people; shall I venture to say more Christlike in our nature.

We can often wonder why we had to go though such a thing, had to face such pain in our lives?

Everything happens for a reason in this world, maybe the creator, the Lord God wanted to show us something. Maybe we needed change, improve to become better than we were before. God wanted to bring us to a higher, better level of spiritual development. At times this works, and others, it does not.

We go through it all again until we learn. This could be the reason why some of us have gone though multiple times of failed romances because we were to hard headed to learn things the first time.

After I met my ex-wife, the first date we went on was to my uncles for a Kentucky derby party. It was a bit different, we had a nice time.

After the ending of my last relationship, which I have written about in previous blogs, I was devastated. I went though the whole processes of blaming them, pointing out their faults and figuring the relationship ended because of problems that they had. This is the same as I did in the breakup of my marriage and when a previous engagement ended a few years before that. Those you can read about in my book, the Lord will Provide. In paperback:

or the Kindle:

If you would like to get a kindle here is where to get your own for a new reading experience:

What was different about this time, was that it finally hit me, that it was not her problem, it was not her fault, it was me! Then I finally made the connection between the ending of my first engagement, the ending of my subsequent marriage and the ending of this relationship. I realized how my actions contributed to their failures, it was my attitude, my actions, my words, not theirs.

Then I made changes in myself, changes that should have been made years ago!

Life is not just a few years upon this earth. Life is a journey of discovery, to becoming a higher, better self. That is why we go through things that we just do not like, that cause us pain and discomfort. We are not to remain as physical beings but develop into spiritual Godly creatures. What does it mean to be a spiritual, Godly creature?

It means not to be all consumed with ourselves in this physical realm but look beyond what we see with our eyes and look with our soul to the wide-open universe that is beyond our human comprehension. It is the knowledge that there is much more out there than we can comprehend with our senses. In becoming a spiritual being, we have less concern about ourselves, and a greater concern and love for others. This is what the essence of the teaching and doctrine of the Lord Jesus. He showed us the map to gain spiritual fulfillment, to dwell in spirit not in flesh.

Once we begin with the first step in this spiritual journey our life changes for the better, we see everything different, we are not dragged down by the day to day experiences of life and our eyes are opened to a new frontier.

It is finding this path and taking this first step which is the hard part. That is where I come in. I can help you find this path to self-fulfillment; help you align your life with your goals. I can help you in your relationship difficulties and spiritual questions. These are all part of my life coaching programs. Go to my website, your fulfilled life and sign up for one of my courses and let’s get on this path to this new glorious frontier which we call life.