• Kevin Luke

Is there any type of love but unconditional love?

“It should be a privilege to be able to say "I love you" to someone. It shouldn't be something people say just because they feel like it. A privilege that is earned. They say you have to earn the right to be loved; no, love is unconditional, if you love someone, they don't have to earn it. But. The right to tell someone that you love them. That has to be earned. You have to earn the right to be believed.”
C. JoyBell C.


I read an article on by Ash, Medium this morning, Yes, Unconditional Love Exits

I recently came to the conclusion that I’m in love with someone and I love them unconditionally. After the lightning struck me, I went online to see if other people had ever felt the same way. I searched for testimonials, reddit posts, blogs gushing about how wonderful unconditional love really is. Bless my naive heart, instead I found a bunch of cynical articles by people caught in hopelessness and despair.
It’s really depressing how few people understand what unconditional love is, and so they write it off as “impossible” or “nonexistent,” as if mothers didn’t love their children without reason, as if dogs didn’t love their owners without rhyme....
… To get to the point, unconditional love is loving someone, flaws and all, just the way they are. Unconditional love does not require a reason, and as the name would suggest, it means loving someone without conditions....

After I read the very well written article, I began to think about unconditional love and love in general. People throw the “I love you” around all the time, but do they really mean it? People say they fell in love, begin a relationship, maybe even get married and promise to spend the rest of their lives together, they say they are in love, a true romance. Then something happens, financial difficulties, maybe health problems, or one spouse or partner cheats on the others and before you know it the love, is gone. The question is was the love there to begin with, surely not any kind of unconditional love.

Is it really love, if we place conditions upon it?

Just think about that for a moment, is it really love if we place conditions upon it.

  1. I will Love you, if you don’t gain weight.

  2. I will Love you, if you have money.

  3. I will Love you, if you do what I tell you to do.

  4. I will Love you, if you love me back.

Those are all conditions, and there are many more, that some place on love. They enter relationships, marriages based on these and other conditions. They will say they love their partner, but do they? In each of the four examples that I gave, there is something that the person loves more than their partner.

They Love that the other one is thin, sexy or in good physical condition, more than they love their partner

  1. They love how someone looks, or makes them look more than their partner

  2. They Love money more than their partner.

  3. They Love controlling more than their partner

  4. They Love to themselves more than their partner.

Now the question is, do they really love their partner?

I say an emphatic NO!

They love other things besides their partner, and they are only using their partner to get something that they want or desire.

I have found one of the most difficult things for people to understand, if loving someone when they do not show love back. For myself, love or unconditional love means just that, love without conditions. Unless one has felt true love, true unconditional love they will not have the ability to comprehend it. I have found that many go into relationships and marriages based on something they believe is true love, but is not. That is one reason why so many jump from one relationship to another one marriage to another without batting an eye.

I know those who have found true and unconditional love, it is a wonderous thing, just the way they speak about their partner is something different, something special that I do not see in some other relationships. When one of the partners passes to the beyond, it eaves a void in the remaining one that cannot be filled by anyone else.

What is Love?

  • Love is a feeling that comes from deep inside.

  • It is a power that draws to individuals together with the longing to become joined as one.

  • True love or real love exists without conditions.

  • Love is eternal and everlasting.

“Unconditional love is like a country of two with no laws and no government. Which is all fine if everyone is peaceful and law abiding. In the wrong hands, though, you got looting and crime sprees, and let me tell you, the people who demand unconditional love are usually the ones who will rob and pillage and then blame you because you left your door unlocked.”
Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming

Now that is what makes love such a painful thing. Some love others, while others will love themselves. They will suck the life and energy out of you. The sad thing is that all to often we fan put our all into a relationship, we show the unconditional love for someone and in the end, we are robbed and devastated once we give them access to our heart. This can happen repeated times, as our hearts become a toy for others to fulfill their own selfish desires.

If this has happened, maybe once, twice or even more times, we can become scared and hardened to the point that we no longer want to risk everything for love anymore. We just do not want to get hurt again.

We need to remember though, not everyone is like that, not everyone will be in the relationship just for themselves and just use you for their own selfish benefit. If this has happened to you, yes be cautious, but remain open to true love, someone who will accept you and love you just for being you. Allow the love to reign within your heart once again, let them heal the pain that remains from your past. Close that door and move on to a brighter, wonderful future full of love and joy.

It is said that God is Love, and what better example of unconditional love than that of God himself? As I’m writing this it is passion week and I think of the Love of Christ and how he suffered and gave his life for us. The Lord Jesus gave everything so we could be with him, in His kingdom, all we have to do is accept and follow. This is basically done by following his gospel, his doctrine, of Love. That is Love God above all, and love others more than we love ourselves.

The Lord Jesus opened the door, now all we have to do is walk in. The only way in, is Love. Unconditional Love!

It is the same if it is an earthly relationship or a spiritual relationship with the Lord Jesus. All conditions on our part must be removed. We cannot say I love you if. We must say I love you no matter what, I love you more than my wants, my desires, I love you more than I love myself.

When you find that right one, you will accept then for who they are, all their faults, all their failings, just take them for them. You will not try to change them, you will not try to fix or improve them. You love them for who and what they are, because that is all part of what makes them special in your eyes.

I asked a question about unconditional love on Quora, you can check out the answers here.

We, as humans, need and crave love. We need love, it is a part of us, for we were created out of and to love. The only way to get true, real love, is to give love. To love others and in return we will be loved.

To love, especially after we have had our heart ransacked by others who we believed loved us, but only loved themselves is a difficult thing. We mush work on it every day to learn to love once more. The world around us does suck the love out of us. That is why this is an ongoing battle not to become chaliced and hardened to those that do try to love us.

If you have become hardened and have a problem with giving you love to others, sign up to my blog, go to my website, your fulfilled life, and sign up for a coaching session. There are options for no long-term commitments, try one session out and see what we can do together to bring love back into your life.