• Kevin Luke

Is your Love, your relationship reality or just a wild fantasy.

Updated: Apr 4, 2019




#Fantasy #love is much better than #Reality Love.

Andy Warhol



As a society, we are delving more and more into the world of fantasy. Our children, young adults and many middle-aged adults and even older spend hours delving into the fantasy world provided by video games. How many lose themselves every evening, in the fantasy world provided by television shows and movies. Others like to enter the fantasy world provided by# Romance novels and other fiction and even some nonfiction books.


Over the past few decades another source of fantasy, that many take advantages of so they can lose themselves in, is being provided by the internet, social media and various video channels. These are places where people can share their fantasies with others through posts or videos, then others can read, or watch this fantasy and make it their own.

Why do we do this? Is reality such a bad thing or is fantasy just so much nicer than reality. Which really it is, there is no challenges, we are not really hurt by anything and it is just nice to get away and veg out for a time. It gives us some downtime, a period where our bodies and our brain can recharge.


Fantasy is not all good.



Still others lose themselves in the fantasy world of #drugs and #addiction. The fantasy world becomes so nice, that they do not want to leave it and deal with the reality that is around them. With some, in this state, their fantasy becomes their own reality, their dreams, in their mind become true and for some, this can become a nightmare.


Let’s look at violent #video games, movies and television shows. Granted, these do not affect everyone the same way, because each person has their own distinction between fantasy and reality. The debate has gone back and forth for years about links between violent video games and violent behavior of children.


Study confirms link between violent video games and physical aggression



The latest in the long-standing debate over violent video games: They do cause players to become more physically aggressive.
An international study looking at more than 17,000 adolescents, ages nine to 19, from 2010 to 2017, found playing violent video games led to increased physical aggression over time.
The analysis of 24 studies from countries including the U.S., Canada, Germany and Japan found those who played violent games such as "Grand Theft Auto," "Call of Duty" and "Manhunt" were more likely to exhibit behavior such as being sent to the principal's office for fighting or hitting a non-family member.
“Although no single research project is definitive, our research aims to provide the most current and compelling responses to key criticisms on this topic," said Jay Hull, lead author of the study published Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
"Based on our findings, we feel it is clear that violent video game play is associated with subsequent increases in physical aggression," said Hull, associate dean of faculty for the social sciences at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire, and the Dartmouth Professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences.

Video game violence has been a hot-button issue for more than a decade. Interest in research on video games' potential for violence increased after it was learned Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the two teenagers who committed the Columbine High School shooting, played the first-person shooting computer game "Doom."...


https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/news/2018/10/01/violent-video-games-tie-physical-aggression-confirmed-study/1486188002/




Do I think that because my son has played all the call of duty games for hours on end that he will go out and shoot someone, no. What playing these games, watching violent movies and television shows is it lowers the sensitivity and wall between reality and fantasy. What was Taboo before slowly becomes acceptable to the individual and to some cases to society in general.





We have had a rash of school shootings, they seem to increase year by year. Kids learn, from an early age, in the games they play, in the television shows and movies that they watch that violence is an acceptable way to deal with your problems, not just getting into a fist fight, but taking a gun and shooting people, just like they did in their game or just like the hero does in the movies and television. In the games, television and movies there are no consequences, usually, for the hero using violence, but rather they are acclaimed as someone special and famous, they saved the day.


I have seen more and more the blurring of the lines between fantasy and realty, between what people want to believe is true, and what is in fact true. It seems that more and more are living in a fantasy world.


This happens many times in #relationships, maybe even stronger. For in a relationship there are strong emotions at work, maybe some are trying to escape things such as loneliness and depression. Maybe there is a financial or other motivation that they feel the person they have feelings for can solve. It could be even something as simple as them wanting to be associated with this pretty woman or this handsome man. Or even just a hope that the other person has the same feelings that they have.




I was somewhere recently, and I was talking to a young woman about my life coaching business and my blogs, we had a pleasant conversation. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she was not married and was not seeing anyone. As you know, if you have been following my blog, I have written a few blogs on love and romance and finding the right one.


After the conversation was finished, a man came up to me and very aggressively, using foul language and calling me names told me never talk to his girlfriend again. Of course, I was taken back, I was not hitting on her just talking and this guy went at me, besides that, as I told him, she started talking to me, I initiated nothing. Not sure of the situation, he said that she was his girlfriend, but she said that she was not seeing anyone but was looking for someone.


Someone was not being honest, or both! Or maybe one or the other was just in a fantasy of either being involved romantically with the other or did not want to accept that they were involved with the other person. As a life coach, I wanted to ask him why he felt so insecure about his relationship, but he would have none of that and just continued to verbally assault me.


Of course, if these two are in an actual relationship, and she is going around telling men that she is not and looking for one, I can see why he is so insecure. In either case he is not dealing in reality, but fantasy. He is either fantasizing that he has a relationship, but does not. Or he is in a relationship, that is falling apart and he is trying all that he can to keep in going.



It is easy to build up fantasies that someone is in love with you, that they share the same feeling for you as you have for them. Go on YouTube and there are countless videos talking about true love and even though they broke up with you they still love you, they just do not know it. Videos on how to get your lost love back with a step by step method. There are Facebook groups dedicated to the same issues and problems in relationships.


We can see here how the lines between fantasy and reality can become blurred. The real problem comes in where that line disappears, especially when it comes to love, romance and a relationship. When this line disappears things can get violent. The possessiveness that men naturally feel for females in their lives, goes to the extreme. Fantasy takes over and there is no more reality.


When this happens, men and some woman can become stalkers. They follow the other person, try to see and control what the one they love is doing. They want to make sure that the one they love cannot build a relationship with anyone else and if they do, or if the other person ignores them, chases them away. They can become violent. Fantasy has taken over, possessiveness has gone to the extreme, and woman are in danger.


This actually happened to a friend of mine back in the 1990’s She had been dating someone and broke it off with them, she tried to go on with her life. This other person began following and stalking her, she eventually received an order of protection against him. This order of protection did not help though, for one day as she was leaving work, he came up to her with a gun and shot and killed her then killed himself.


That is one of the nightmares that can happen when fantasy and reality become merged. People become so convinced of something that nothing that is said or happens that is contrary to what they think will change their mind. They will grasp at straws to convince themselves that what they think is right, that this person really loves them. It is just not true!


Too many times we try to superimpose our emotions, our thoughts and feelings onto others. I feel this way or think this way, they must feel this way also. The truth is we cannot think for other people, we cannot even guess what emotions or lack of emotions they have for us or for anything. We can and should only speak for ourselves.


If we are in a relationship, no matter how good it is going, if we start guessing and superimposing our thought, emotions and guessing the actions of our partner, then the relationship, from my experience is headed for disaster. We need to remember that our guessing what the other one feels, or thinks is just fantasy, it could be reality or maybe not.


Until we know for sure, don’t guess or force it on someone else. When this happens take a step back, especially when they become mad at you. Then try to heal the situation, get them something nice, like flowers or a nice romantic gift.




Men can be a bit possessive in a relationship, it goes back to the old animal part of our brain. At times our emotions overwhelm us, and the old instincts take over and we do things that we normally would not do. This is the subject of my next blog. So maybe enter your email at the end of the page and sign up to follow my blog. I would greatly appreciate it.


One of the things that I mentioned, in my book, The Lord will Provide, is that guys go kind of crazy at times, in relationships and especially when going through a divorce. I found this out when I went through my own divorce almost 10 years ago. That is when fantasy can really overtake reality, and we do stuff, that we look back on now as stupid. Check it out in my book, here is the link. Its available in both kindle and paperback.





What are we doing to ourselves as individuals, as a society? Why is it that so many need an escape from reality? Why do they think that life is so hard, so tough? Are we becoming emotionally weaker in general. Are things so hard, or has life become so easy and safe that we find other things to upset us? This I have written about before, go and check out my previous blogs.


So, what do you think is causing this emotional weakening of society that everyone becomes hurt and offended over everything that is said or done. Is it in something that they are feeding us, or putting in our food? Is it some sort of Government conspiracy? Let me know what you think the reason is, or if you even think that there is a problem. Go down to the comment section and give us your idea or opinion in the matter.


All I know is that something is going on, something is happening. Children, people in general, are so different today than they were when I was growing up in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. I know my generation was weaker, not as strong as my parent’s generation, and the generation after mine is not as strong as mine. The only thing that I do know, is that if things do not change, we are headed for some real social upheaval in the future.



Have you noticed a change in yourself or do you want to talk privately about your feelings wishes and desires, regarding this topic or about relationships, getting over a break up, or life in general. Sign up for my life coach course and let’s start working on this together.


I also have a Facebook page, please check it out and give me a like Kevin's, your fulfilled life coaching and I also have a Facebook group about love and relationships, here is the link, if you would like to check it out and join, True love and relationships and not to leave out LinkedIn, here is the link to my company page. Your fulfilled life coaching on LinkedIn.


In closing, sometimes when we are in or want a relationship, we have so many emotions, time and money invested, that we do not want to see things as they truly are. This often happens when the relationship is starting to go sideways, and deep in your heart you get that feeling that it just will not work out, that there is no future.


To many times we refuse to listen to this little voice warning of us of what will happen. That is when we hold out hope against hope that things will change, that they will change, that things will work out and be as they once were again.


I know, this happened to me. I was in a relationship and things began to change, her feelings began to change, and things were slowly falling apart, but I held out hope. Even after the relationship ended, I did and tried all that I could to bring things together again, I just would not let go. Then, eventually with time, things begin to get better, wounds heal, and you think to yourself why am I doing this?




Then things begin to change. everything begins to get better, and you put things in the past and reality begins to take over once again, from the fantasy world that you had been living in.


It is only then, when you reach that point can you begin to live your life once again. We all need time to heal, for some it is happens quickly others it takes time.


Until they do heal, they are running around working to rebuild something that was never there except in their fantasy land of their mind. The more they operate out of fantasy, doing things to propel their fantasy, the more damage and pain they cause in the real world, to themselves and those around them. I think of the words in the song, the Boxer, by Simon and Garfunkel, "A man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest. That is very true in life, we often hear but do not listen.


So, until next time I hope you find joy and a completely fulfilled life, if not schedule a one of my life coaching sessions, at Your fulfilled life, and let’s get started on making your dreams a reality.




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