• Kevin Luke

Love and Relationships, sometimes it sucks





“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it's got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.” Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe



Yes, I’m sure that you have been there. Love is a difficult thing, at times no matter how much you love someone, no matter what you do the only response you receive is a wall of ice


Why?


Probably because you messed up, misread where the relationship was going, maybe you moved to slowly


Worse yet. You moved to quickly and they became scared and ran.


Or of course they don’t have the same feelings for you as you have for them


What can be done, how does one make it through the mind field that is love?


I have learned much through personal experience, I was burned a few times, quite a few over the years. One does learn from their mistakes It is a painful lesson and very costly financially and emotionally. I actually wrote a book partially about my failings in romance and the many mistakes I have made. It is called the Lord will provide.

















All in all true love can be an elusive thing. What is love anyhow?


Does anyone really know what love is until they experience it? Even the, with the way people throw the I love you‘s around, I’m not really sure.


I will play the same same game as I did with my last blog about having a happy life, what do you think love is?


Now go to the comments section right now and submit your answer before reading the balance of this blog. Then you can go back later and let us know if you answer changed or not and why.






psycology today sa the following about love


Love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims. We may have some limited ability to change the weather, but we do so at the risk of upsetting an ecological balance we don't fully understand. Similarly, we can stage a seduction or mount a courtship, but the result is more likely to be infatuation, or two illusions dancing together, than love.





Grecian dramatist and poet Aristophanes, had this theory of love

He says In the olden days the two sexes were united into one body. This body was round like a ball, with four hands, four feet and two faces. It moved with amazing rapidity, using eight limbs like the spokes of a wheel in a continuous series of somersaults. Terrible was the strength of this race of men-women complex and boundless was their ambition. They were planning to scale the heavens and attack the gods when Zeus [Greek god] hit upon a plan.

Let us cut them into two, he said and then they will have only half their strength and we will have twice as many sacrifices. And so he split them apart into male and female. From that day onwards, the two halves of the once united body have been consumed with a longing to be reunited into one. And this longing for the reunion of the sexes is what we call love.



My first thought, when reading this discrimination of Love was the bible account of creation and the story of Adam and Eve


But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found.


21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh.


22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.


23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”


24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.




Is it not between a mother and child? Why is this? It is because they once we one flesh the child is part of the mother and this is the basis for the special bond.


In a related way the same goes for a man and woman they were first one flesh that was separated into two people.


Both of these accounts begin with the two separate beings, once being one flesh, one soul but were separated by God unto two individuals, two separate beings. Each one contains part of and the equal match to the other. They are the same person but yet different with their own personality, own set of life experiences, and abilities that is different than their perfect mate, but actually complements them and each one builds off of and needs what the other brings to the relationship.


This brings up the question, is there a perfect match for everyone?


For it myself I say yes!


Live is not about money, or beauty or strength, it is an internal feeling, a knowledge that you have met your perfect match.

Many have found true true romance and live in their life. They found the one and only one for them and when one passes away they know that there is no one else and they either remain sing and alone or they go into a companionship relationship but they never love anyone the same again.







There are many terms used to describe this, soulmates, kindred spirits but I think the one that comes closes is twin flames




Yes, I know it sounds odd or maybe not, but a twin flame relationship is the greatest and the worst thing that one can experience in their life. I’m speaking from personal experience here. my Description of Love and relationships is actually based on the great points of a twin Flame Union. Yes when you study twin Flame Union it goes into a lot of Psycic stuff that

We began this discussion on relationships and on love. Yo me Love is a very much overused term these days ation of man and woman at the time of creation.


We began this discussion on relationships and on love. To me Love is a very much overused term these days



We love many thing, we love our significant other, we love our children, parents, relatives. We also love sport teams our favorite foods and any host of other things in life.











In my relationship coaching sessions, you can sign up for my coaching at:



https://www.yourfulfilledlife.com/



one of the first questions I ask is what?


What are your reasons for a relationship ?



What do you think is necessary for a healthy, long term relationship ?






I have found that many, including myself in the past, go into relationships, what they think is “true love” for all the wrong reasons.


Many marriages are built on those things , some successful others not so much. Marriage itself though is only a legal contract between two people and often times has little to do with true love or the perfect relationship between two people. all to often we learn that we have to compromise to have peace.


Many marriages are built on those things , some successful others not so much. Marriage itself though is only a legal contract between two people and often times has little to do with true love or the perfect relationship between two people. all to often we learn that we have to compromuse to have peace.


things are different now. In times past the couple needed to stay together partially because of societal pressure but even more just for survival


Yes one can say it’s always been that way, people have always gone into marriage for the same reasons in though out time as they do today But they stayed together




Its not that way now people have time to find their perfect match, if they are looking for it and do not get confused with all the ideas of live and marriage

There is more


Of course another big, huge question is trust. Do you trust them? Have they shown trust in you? Without a strong foundation of trust, no lasting relationship can be built.


To many get so focused on the wrong things in a relationship that the miss the right reasons, the right person when they do come .


All to often, I know I have, we go on a hope and a prayer that it will work.


Hope that he or she will change and things will become better.


Hope that they will, in some way, go through a miraculous transformation from who they are to this person that we dream they can be.


Wake up, this is not going to happen. They are who they are!


Yes, people can change, but the change has to come from them, not a change that you force upon them. They can change to make you happy because by making you happy because when you are happy they are happy as well.


A true loving relationship is built upon what you can do for your partner not what they can do for you.


A true relationship you love your partner more than you love yourself.


This is a two way street One cannot give without receiving,

Likewise

One cannot receive without giving . For the one who gives all the time will become empty

If all someone does is receive this means they have no room in their heart for anyone except themselves. If someone loves themselves more than their partner it is never a good thing


What I have found though, when the right person comes into your life and your eyes and heart are open to true love, there is nothing like it. It is the most amazing thing that I have ever felt and there is no one else that I want in my life but them.


Many have found true romance and love in their life. They found the one and only one for them and when one passes away they know that there is no one else and they either remain single and alone or they go into a companionship relationship but they never love anyone the same again.


No matter what it is not an easy road. Even in the best romances there are disagreements, egos get bruised. To often people get mad and want to throw in the tow, right away We are human we will hurt one another. Talk things through, stick with it find out what they real problems are and work on them together as one not as separate indiviguals.








Relationships are tough, they cannot be worked upon with blanket statements or ideas. Each one deserves to be focused upon solely on its own merits on a case by case basis

If you have questions about Love and building a strong relationship, with your significant other or just better relationships in general, try out my relationship coaching course


Thank you

Kevin









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